Breaking News From Garlic Press

January 3, 2018

 

 

 

Spicy Satire for Traumatic Times

Trump touts ‘biggest button ever’

As the world cringed in contemplation of an escalating nuclear crisis, the “button war” of words between world dictators  heated up Wednesday when American President Donald Trump tweeted, “I have the biggest button anyone has ever had. Khrushchev, Kennedy, Gorbachev, Reagan, and especially Little Rocket Man, have had pathetic little buttons that probably wouldn’t even work.”

Korean leader Kim Jung Un shot back through Korean state media, “Time to unbutton the American fraud and see what he really has.”

The long-smoldering rhetorical war between the leaders heated up over the New Year’s Holiday when Kim issued a statement that seemed to indicate a willingness to talk to South Korea in advance of next month’s Winter Olympic Games. In a televised speech Monday, Kim had also proclaimed: “The entire United States is within range of our nuclear weapons, and a nuclear button is always on my desk. This is reality, not a threat.”

Trump tweeted on Tuesday, “North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the ‘Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.’ Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!”

 

The tweet left many distraught that an American president would play such a dangerous verbal game with millions of lives potentially at stake.

 

But Florida Sen. Marco Rubio downplayed the escalating rhetoric while golfing at Sanibel Island. “Let’s not get too excited,” he told reporters about Trump’s comments. “Small hands wouldn’t even operate a big button. He’d need to use both hands.”

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