Breaking News From Garlic Press

February 17, 2017

Spicy Satire for Traumatic Times

 

PEARCE DENIES HE WILL CHANGE NAME TO CHICKENSHIT

 

U.S. Rep. Steve Pearce, who represents New Mexico’s 2nd Congressional District, is denying reports tonight that because of a lost bet he will officially change his middle name to Chickenshit tomorrow.

Born Stevan Edward Pearce, the Republican congressman held his seat from 2003-2009 and again from 2011 to the present after winning the seat back.

This week, amid national political turmoil, instead of holding his usual recess town hall in the largest city in his district, Las Cruces, he scheduled a telephone town hall and then fielded questions that his opponents say were pre-selected and came mostly from friendlier portions of his district, such as Roswell and other eastern New Mexico municipallities. After critics lambasted him for lacking the courage to speak in a politically hostile environment, well-placed sources told Garlic Press he made a bet the behavior wouldn’t come back to haunt him in the form of a demonstration at his Las Cruces office.

 

But on Thursday about 100 passionate demonstrators protested with signs and chanting outside the office on North Telshor Boulevard, and his office manager fled in a pickup truck after sneaking out of the office through the rear exit rather than speak with demonstrators.

Under terms of the bet he lost, the source said, Pearce will file paperwork in New Mexico Second Judicial District Court to officially change his middle name from Edward to Chickenshit. But on Thursday night he was avoiding the media except for one enigmatic tweet that denied the allegations of a lost bet and stated he would change his middle name to Clarence to honor a recently deceased uncle.

 

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